We were early. Check-in was open. There was no queue. We breezed through and on to security. So far so good. All was quiet. Actually – really quiet. Empty seats were everywhere.

Eventually we were boarding. Our section was the last to be called. We were filled with trepidation. We had decided to book the aisle seats in the centre section hoping to jag two spare seats between us. The aeroplane gods were smiling. There were our seats- completely unoccupied. We glanced at each other smirking indulgently knowing we had saved ourselves a fortune not buying business class and gaining enough room for at least one of us to lay supine. We were so smug!!! To our horror we were to discover that the aeroplane gods were just fooling around. No matter how I arranged the four blankets and three pillows I could not sleep. I thought I was comfortable enough. I even tried drug assisted slumber. Nothing worked!! Eventually I succumbed and allowed John to have a go. He was happy being horizontal. I was distraught. How could this happen. Bloody old age….

Nothing quite matches ‘travel tired’: muscles ache, eyes dry, red and unfocused, dry throat and serious brain fog- the type that makes you imagine those around you are either really lovely or out to get you simultaneously. We had two hours in Dubai to find the connecting flight. It took us one hour and forty-nine minutes. I kid you not! Signage is appalling. Distances are not meant to be walked -one takes a train or a bus and even that takes a minimum of fifteen minutes and finding these modes of transport requires luck and an uncanny sense of how things might be organised in a foreign country. We struggled. And to add insult to injury, I think we went through Security three times inside the terminal in transit. Or I could have been just imagining it because at one stage we did stroll through a security arch while a whole lot of other passengers were going through real security. I don’t know. It is all a bit of a blur.

Of course the aeroplane gods were not going to give us spare seats again- unappreciative little upstarts that we were. So the seven hour trip to London was shared with two other companions and a full plane load. I was considering going vegetarian for the flight simply to get fed first, so I could go off to sleep as soon as possible. But then I remembered the chair has to stay upright until we are all fed and cleaned-up. So…I was very aware of the ‘special’ people who were receiving their ‘special’ food orders. I calculate about a third of the people in our section. It doesn’t take much knowledge of mathematics and productive human movement to see that this will take the feeding process much longer.

We arrived Gatwick and I had tickets for the Gatwick Express but the 12:32 was there and we just couldn’t be bothered waiting another 20 minutes. We arrived Victoria. It was cold and wet so we decided to take a cab. I think it took five minutes. It was worth it. We would have been soaked to the bone and as it was we had to leave our luggage in the rain while I ran down the tiny narrow stairs into the dark hidie-hole come storeroom where the key was waiting sealed in an unmarked envelope. We were in. Our adventure begins.